a messy house of confusion.

i am upstairs in an attic or something. it’s someone else’s house, i think sherry’s. tin-win is sitting on the bed next to me, sherry in one corner to my right, near the door, someone else to my back left (female) on a chair, someone else to the far back left in the corner (male) on a chair. i feel like there is a shower in the top right corner of the room. it is a square room. a dresser sits to the top left.

there are three distinctive bags of candy strewn about on sherry’s bed, and i ask her if we can eat from one of them. two of the bags seem to be kit-kat varieties initially, though i’ve never seen them before. i make tin-win and sherry choose which bag to eat from; tin-win chooses the kit-kats that look like they’re in a normal wrapper, and sherry chooses some that are in a white wrapper. i’m not sure what the reasoning is — there is some kind of arbitrary reasoning — but i choose sherry’s. i throw one to her and she breaks off one strip of the four, then throws it to tin-win, who comments on how it is smart that she broke off one piece of the four. she throws it to me, and i pass it along to the people behind me. i don’t actually recall eating it myself, and if in fact ther were four pieces and everyone else took a piece, i dunno how i would have eaten the piece.

so initially, we’re throwing around the entire bag, i believe, but by the time the wrapper gets in my hands, it is just a solitary wrapper. i feel like it is turkish, and i think i may even say that, but when i look at it, it actually has chinese writing. it’s not actually a kit-kat, either.

fast-forward a bit, and this might even be an entirely different dream. i am in a living room, and i think it is my house. it has dark walls. it is elegantly furnished, victorian-esque, i believe. i think it’s just me, maybe. troy (my boyfriend) is somewhere else but i recall being in touch with him over the telephone or something, though we don’t have a direct conversation. at some point, troy one emerges, and he is sitting at the dining room table, made of dark wood. it seems he has a letter i had written him — perhaps THE letter i had written him — and is commenting on it like it was no big deal, like we were still friends, like it was fine. he was asking me about a book i had bought him, and i told him that i didn’t have it anymore because i had lent it to someone in seattle and he had never returned it (that was the truth, in real life). he then asked me if i still wanted to do _______ if i wasn’t going to ethiopia, and i thought in my head that i wasn’t going to ethiopia, but i might be going to portugal, and anyway, i didn’t want to do that…

at some point i am standing fairly far away from him in the room, and he comes up to me and hugs me. i hug him back, and it feels really, really good to be hugging him like that. but then he turns my face towards him, and i really don’t want to look at him because i feel i know what will happen, and what i feel will happen does happen — he starts to kiss me, a lot, on the lips. small pecks. i tell him that i can’t. i think i say i have a boyfriend. i even start tearing up and one rolls down my face. he stops.

fast-forward. we’re in the kitchen. troy is standing to my front right, lenny to my front left. the refrigerator is directly in front of me. lenny meets him and is like, “oh! you’re troy!” as if he knew, though in real life he probably wouldn’t recognize the name and reference. he jokes with troy, “i just started dating her,” and he says oh, and then lenny laughs and is like, “just kidding!” and i don’t know if he says he is my ex-boyfriend or not. i think he does.

fast-forward, and i think lenny turns into my brother phil, or phil just appears and lenny disappears. in either case, phil is weirded out that troy is there and asks if we want to go take a walk around the neighborhood. then asks if we want to go eat sushi. i’m not actually sure that i want to take a walk around the neighborhood, but i agree to. we get outside and it looks like we’re in england, really way back when, with all cobblestone streets, lots of grey, tall buildings. it seems like victorian-era england, though we’re dressed just normally.

we’re walking, and then we come across some broken down cars or something. also grey. old-school. i dunno why but we’re there FOREVER and my brother is trying to help fix them or something, though it’s not like he knows anything about cars and he physically is doing nothing. it’s like he’s just standing around looking at them, but that he feels like he needs to. the back tire, at least in the one troy is standing in front of, is busted and looks like it’s falling apart. there is no driver. my brother is standing near the other car.

meanwhile, i am getting impatient. troy is standing near the second of the cars, doing nothing in particular, and i go talk to my brother, who is standing by the first car, about how i want to leave to go eat sushi and also ask him if i should ask troy just what the fuck happened to him all these months. my brother says that i shouldn’t, but i contradict him and argue that i think i should. i want to leave so i can question him about just what the fuck. i think i wake up.

Attic
To see an attic in your dream represents hidden memories or repressed thoughts that are being revealed. It also symbolizes your mind, spirituality, and your connection to the higher Self. Alternatively, it signifies difficulties in your life that may hinder you from attaining your goals and aspirations. However, after a long period of struggle, you will overcome these difficulties. To see a cluttered attic in your dream is a sign to organize your mind and thoughts. Perhaps, you need to rid yourself of the past and let go of the past emotions that are holding you back.

Bedroom
To dream that you are in the bedroom signifies aspects of yourself that you keep private. It is also indicative of your sexual nature and intimate relations.

Drawers
To see drawers in your dream signify your inner and hidden state and being. In particular, a disorderly drawer represents internal chaos and turmoil while an orderly drawer signifies calmness. Alternatively, a drawer symbolizes your reserves. There is something that you have stored away, but are now ready to use or express. If the drawer is full, then it symbolizes your many resources. If the drawer is empty, then it denotes your need to fulfill your goals.

Candy
To see or eat candy in your dream symbolizes the joys and the special treats in life. It also represents indulgence, sensuality and/or forbidden pleasure. You may be devoting too much time to unimportant issues. To dream of eating crisp, new candy, implies social pleasures and much love-making among the young and old.

Share
To dream that you are sharing something symbolizes your generosity toward others. Perhaps you need to be more generous with your feelings.

Table
To see a table in your dream represents social unity and family connections. If the table is broken, wobbly or not functional, then it suggests some dissension in a group. It may also refer to a sense of insecurity. Perhaps there is something you cannot hold inside any longer and need to bring it out in the open.

Memory
To dream about a memory suggests that you are ready to rid yourself of your old ways and undergo a transformation. You are ready for a new outlook in life. Recalling a memory in your dream may also be less of a shock then if you had recalled the memory in your waken state. Alternatively, the dream indicates that you have learned from your past experiences.

Hugging
To dream that you are hugging someone symbolizes your loving and caring nature. You are holding someone or something close to your heart. Alternatively, it may indicate your need to be more affectionate.

Kissing
If someone tries to kiss you against your will, then it means that someone is shoving their ideas, beliefs and opinions in your face. He or she is forcing you to do something that you do not really want to do. This dream may also mean that you are refusing to accept some repressed aspect of yourself. If you are kissed by a stranger, then your dream is one of self-discovery. You need to get more acquainted with some aspect of yourself.

Tears
To dream that you are in tears signify that you are undergoing a period of healing in your life. The tears symbolize compassion, emotional healing and spiritual cleansing. Alternatively, tears indicate pain.

Kitchen
To see a kitchen in your dream signifies your need for warmth, spiritual nourishment and healing. It may also be symbolic of the nurturing mother or the way that you are for your loved ones. Alternatively the kitchen represents a transformation. Something new or life altering is about to occur. The dream could also be telling you that if “you can’t stand the heat, then you need to get out of the kitchen”. You need to abort your plans. In a woman’s dreams a kitchen symbolizes how she nurtures others.

City
Dreaming of a city, particularly one known to us, is to be trying to understand our sense of community; of belonging to groups. If you dream of a big city, then it suggests that you need to develop closer ties and relationships. You are feeling alienated and alone. To dream that you are in a deserted city indicates that you feel rejected by those around you. To dream of a city in ruins denotes that you are neglecting your social relationships and allowing them to deteriorate.

Victorian
To dream that you are in the Victorian period indicates that you are feeling sexually repressed. You feel you are unable to full express yourself.

Gray
Gray indicates fear, fright, depression, ill health, ambivalence and confusion. You may feel emotionally distant isolated, or detached. Alternatively, the color gray symbolizes your individualism.

Car
In modern times most people will dream about the car or other similar forms of transport. Dreaming of a carriage, such as a horse-drawn one, could be suggestive of old-fashioned attitudes to modern thinking. All vehicles reflect the physical body, so anything wrong with the vehicle may alert us to a problem. A car in particular is a reflection of a person’s self-image and possibly sexuality and indeed any part of a car has significance. The back tires might suggest our support system, the steering wheel the way we control our lives and so on.

Tires
To see tires in your dream suggest that you are dwelling too much in the past and need to move on toward the future. It also refers to your emotional health and your ability to bounce back from adversity. You are able to carry yourself from one situation to another with confidence. To see or dream that you have a flat tire indicates that you are feeling emotionally drained and weary. Your goals are temporarily hindered and as a result, you are unable to progress any further. To dream that your tires have no more tread suggests that are unable to get any traction toward achieving your goals. Decay in dreams is evidence of the natural cycle of life:growth, decline and regeneration. Out of decay comes new growth and knowledge.

assessment of interpretations:
not sure, but there are certainly recurring themes of:
[1] letting go of the past;
[2] sexual confusion and frustration.
i will say that all of these things have been on my mind and were also discussed last night right before going to bed. the victorian-era thing seems natural to associate with troy one as well, so i wonder if, in general, he just represents the entirety of the victorian era (inability to express oneself sexually) as a whole, or if it is him in particular… because i can’t figure out why he would appear in my dream after so long…

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