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vivian:
dream #1
i am somewhere with some guy and micah. there are a series of rooms, all of which are extremely dimly lit. corridors. a lot happens but i don’t really remember much of it, and then at some point i am fucking around and playing around with micah because i think his friend and him are talking about skateboarding moves and being goofy about them. i cut micah’s leg; we all have a good laugh or something. then his friend and i move into another room. later micah comes towards me and he is spurting blood everywhere from that wound, but somehow he’s light-hearted about it. i start to freak out and am like, wtf, did i cut his corrotic artery or something? but i have no actual clue if that is actually a thing or if that is THE thing or how to even spell it. i begin trying to google it on some indian woman (?)’s computer and i keep spelling it wrong in google because perhaps it doesn’t exist, but i’m so certain it exists in my dream — yet i keep mispelling it repeatedly. it’s exceptionally frustrating.

meanwhile, micah is still bleeding.. it’s gushing i think through his pants, which is crazy. while i’m still frantically trying to spell corrotic artery, i keep getting theser really intense search results. i remember one page that gets pulled up is one with a lot of images of women — super stock and sterile — against white or blue-white backgrounds, with flowers, crying, and the websites have blue text atop white backgrounds as well. or maybe purple-blue. in any case, the websites are all about grieving and what to do with dead bodies, and the indian lady, standing to my left, says something about how that doesn’t bode well for micah’s injury. it is at this point, and because of that comment, that i tell micah’s friend, who i standing behind me as i’m searching on the computer, to call 911. he finally does, and i’m not sure why no one did it earlier.

the freind or the indian lady, i forget who, tells me that the ambulance is here. i look up and see the flashing lights of their vehicles and micah is being put away on a stretcher. i don’t go there right away, still so worried about spelling the word right or something. in a matter of secnds, the stretcher is taken away and the vehicle is gone. i freak out some more and ask some man — older, seemingly famous, appeared from nowhere yet somehow knows all of us — what the ambulance and hospital had said. he said they had said literally nothing and had just slammed the door and left. he doesn’t seem particularly pleased about this or particularly bummed out. eventually the two of us sit down in the room where i was checking the computer on black cushions, kind of cross-legged across from each other. i’m not really sure what happens here…

fast-forward, and i think with a lash that i need to call micah’s girlfriend sarah because i’m the only one who knows about this and the hopistal didn’t take down any information so it’s not like he’ll be calling her anyitme soon. the thought crosses my mind and he’s gonig to wake up the next morning, all alone, and confused, nd i will not be able to do anything about it.

fast-forward. i’m soemwhere else,but it’s equaly a dark place. the layout is –kind– of the same, long, narow corridors, but there is definitely way more stuff in the rooms. the one where the computer would have been is slightly narrower, whereas the one where micah would have been cut is slightly larger. anyway, i’m calling sarah from a kitchen room or something — not sure how it is shaped — and she seems ummmmmmm. not as disturbed as i thought she would be. i thought they were madly in love but she tells me that her and micah broke up a while ago, essentially, and that she is currently dating a woman, but that she really loves me, and i get the sense that she has been broken up with micah for quite a while and has been dating another woman, but still has tons of flings on the side. that weirds me out.

fast-forward. i am in a room with a bunch of people, women, or something. they seem judgmental… at some point, i am wearing a costume and my costume involves a thin white paper cone dunce hat thing and a white dress or outfit of some sort. eventually, i am with someone else add we start to run through these dark rooms — particularly the one that leads to outside, whic his like a dark laundry room crammed with a bunch of shit. in the laundry room, we run into another guy who has just come home. he has tons of things carried under his arms (like giant boxes or something), and he has so much stuff it’s awkard for him to have entered the door by himself and without help. he gives me the impression of someone like uncle jesse from full house in that he is really comforting. i have been waiting for him quite a while because he is the anti-thesis of the judgemental people in the other room or something. i feel like that maybe in him there is some sort of equalizing factor that will either make their judgments neutral or will make them think differently of us? i’m not sure. me, in my white dunce cap outfit, rush outside with my friend (?) who seems to have emerged out of nowhere and he is wearnig a red gnome cap. we run as if we are fleeing something like embarrassment and go across the stret to this other house nd sit upon their lawn, right next tot he teps that lead up to their door, right in front of what is probably their living room window. there’s some sort of decorative quality to this house that seems to match very well in my head with our outfits, but i don’t rcall what that quality that is. we sit on their lawn, side by side, and it feels safe.

Corridor
To walk along a corridor in your dream signifies a transitional phase of self exploration. It signals spiritual enlightenment, emotional growth, physical prowess, new opportunities and mental passages in your life. If you are walking through a long corridor, then it represents your desperation in trying to escape a repetitive situation or some behavior patterns. You need to free yourself of this repetition. Alternatively, it symbolizes the choices and options that are available to you. You have a lot of things to consider.

Dim
To dream that it is dim indicates that you are lacking clarity in a waking situation. You need to shed some light or perspective on the issue. Alternatively, the dream may be a metaphor for someone who is dumb or stupid.

Cutting
To dream that you are cutting something signifies a broken relationship or severed connection. Alternatively, the dream may be a metaphor for something you need to “cut out” in your life. Perhaps it refers to a bad habit or a certain food.

Legs
To dream that your leg is wounded or crippled signifies a lack of balance, autonomy, or independence in your life. You may be unable or unwilling to stand up for yourself. Perhaps you are lacking courage and refuse to make a stand. If your dream that one of your leg is shorter than the other, then it suggests that there is some imbalance in some aspect of your life. You are placing more emphasis and weight on one thing, while ignoring other important aspects that need attention as well. If you are a woman and dream that your legs are hairy, then it suggests that you are domineering or that you dominate in the relationship.

Blood
To see blood in your dream represents life, love, and passion as well as disappointments. To dream that others are bleeding signifies an emotional cry for help.

Computer
To see a computer in your dream symbolizes technology, information, and modern life. New areas of opportunities are being opened to you. Alternatively, computers represent a lack of individuality and lack of emotions and feelings. Too often, you are just going along with the flow, without voicing your own opinions and views. You may also feel a depreciated sense of superiority. To dream that your computer has a mind of its own denotes anxiety about technology and loss of control. You are feeling overwhelmed and that you are at the mercy of another. To dream that a computer has a virus or has crashed suggests that something in your life that is out of control. It may parallel something in your life that has come to a crashing end.

Spelling
To dream that you are spelling a word suggests that you are trying to understand a difficult idea by breaking it down into smaller parts. To dream that you cannot spell indicates that you are having difficulties attacking a problem in your life.

Photograph
To see a photograph in your dream indicates that there is a relationship that needs your attention. You are not looking deep enough into the problem. Alternatively, the dream means that you are clinging on to the past or to some false hope.

Woman
To see a woman in your dream represents nurturance, passivity, caring nature, and love. It refers to your own female aspects or your mother. Alternatively, a woman indicates temptation and guilt. To see a group of women talking in your dream refers to some gossip.

Crying
To see someone else crying in your dream, may be a projection of your own feelings onto someone else. If you do not cry in your waking life, then seeing someone else cry may be a little easier to deal with then seeing yourself cry.

Death
To dream about the death of a loved one suggests that you are lacking a certain aspect or quality that the loved one embodies. Ask yourself what makes this person special or what you like about them. It is that very quality that you are lacking in your own relationship or circumstances. Alternatively, to see someone dying in your dream signifies that your feelings for that person are dead or that a significant change/loss is occurring in your relationship with that person. Alternatively, you may want to repress that aspect of yourself that is represented by the dying person.

Emergency
To dream of an emergency indicates that there is a urgent matter that needs your immediate attention. You are about to learn an important lesson.

Ambulance
To see an ambulance in your dream indicates that your careless activities and indiscretion may lead to major problems and complications. This dream may also stem from your own fears of contracting a disease or your deteriorating health. Perhaps, you should cease what you are doing and pay closer attention to some waking situation.
Stretcher
To dream that you are lying on a stretcher indicates your need to be rescued from some situation or relationship. Perhaps you need to take time out and confront your emotional demons.

Stretcher
To dream that you are lying on a stretcher indicates your need to be rescued from some situation or relationship. Perhaps you need to take time out and confront your emotional demons. To see a stretcher in your dream suggests that there is trouble ahead for you in the near future.

Sitting
To dream that you are sitting indicates your indecision. You do not know what you want to do about something. It also suggests that you are idling and wasting your life away.

Cushion
To see or use a cushion in your dream suggests that you are in need of more rest and relaxation. Alternatively, the dream may be a metaphor that you need to “cushion” or distance yourself against a hurtful situation or some offensive remarks.

Kitchen
To see a kitchen in your dream signifies your need for warmth, spiritual nourishment and healing. It may also be symbolic of the nurturing mother or the way that you are for your loved ones. Alternatively the kitchen represents a transformation. Something new or life altering is about to occur. The dream could also be telling you that if “you can’t stand the heat, then you need to get out of the kitchen”. You need to abort your plans.

Telephone
To see or hear a telephone in your dream signifies a message from your unconscious or some sort of telepathic communication. You may be forced to confront issues which you have been avoiding. Alternatively, the telephone represents your communication and relationship with others. To dream that you are having a telephone conversation with someone you know signifies an issue that you need to confront with that person. This issue may have to do with letting go some part of yourself.

Judgment
To dream that you are being judged indicates that you are being put through some test. You are seeking acceptance in order to move forward.

Clothing
To dream of your clothes is symbolic of your public self and how you are perceived. It is indicative of the act you put on in front of others. Clothes are also an indication of your condition and status in life. Thus, if you wear clothes that do not suit you or that you normally would not wear, then it suggests that you are putting up a front and trying to deceive others. Something in your life is “unsuitable”. It may be a symbol of hypocrisy and being someone that you are not. Alternatively, it could also mean that you are revealing a hidden part of yourself to the world.

Costume
To dream that you are wearing a costume indicates that you are putting on a facade toward others. You do not want to reveal your true self and are not being completely honest with people around you.

White
White represents purity, perfection, peace, innocence, dignity, cleanliness, awareness, and new beginnings. You may be experiencing a reawakening or have a fresh outlook on life.�Alternatively, white refers to a clean, blank slate. Or it may refer to a cover-up. In Eastern cultures, white is associated with death and mourning.

Paper
To see blank white paper in your dream signifies your desire to make a fresh start in your life. You need to express yourself through writing or art. Alternatively, blank paper indicates that you need to work on being more communicative.

Cone
To see a cone in your dream represents a flow of ideas and feelings.

Hat
To see or wear a hat in your dream indicates that you are hiding an aspect of yourself or that you are covering up something. Alternatively, it represents your attitude or the various roles and responsibilities you have in your waking life. To dream that you are wearing a top hat denotes your aspirations for wealth. It is also symbolic of male elegance and formality. If the top hat is knocked off your head, then it suggests a loss in your status of a fear that you will be stripped of your authority.

Laundromat
To dream that you are at a Laundromat represents a transformation or cleansing. You are ready to rid yourself of past hurts. It is time for new changes.

Clutter
To see clutter in your dream indicates that you need to clean up and organize a certain aspect of your life. The dream could be telling you that you need to let go of the past.

Man
To see a man in your dream denotes the aspect of yourself that is assertive, rational, aggressive, and/or competitive. Perhaps you need to incorporate these aspects into your own character.

Carry
To dream that you are being carried suggests that you are feeling like a burden to somebody. You need to be more independent and take on more responsibilities. Alternatively, it may elude to romance.

Friend
To see friends in your dream signify aspects of your personality that you have rejected, but are ready to incorporate and acknowledge. The relationships you have with those around you are important in learning about yourself. Alternatively, dreaming of a friend indicates positive news.

Red
Red is an indication of raw energy, force, vigor, intense passion, aggression, power, courage, impulsiveness and passion. The color red has deep emotional and spiritual connotations. Consider the phrase “seeing red” to denote anger. Alternatively, the color red in your dream indicates a lack of energy. You are feeling tired or lethargic.
Red is also the color of danger, violence, blood, shame, rejection, sexual impulses and urges. Perhaps you need to stop and think about your actions.

Embarrassment
To dream that you are embarrassed signifies hidden weaknesses, fears and lack of self-confidence. This dream also suggests that you are also harboring some insecurities about your sexuality.

Running
To dream that you are running away from someone indicates an issue that you are trying to avoid. You are not taking or accepting responsibility for your actions. In particular, if you are running from an attacker or any danger, then it suggests that you are not facing and confronting your fears.

Street
To see a street in your dream symbolizes your life’s path. The condition of the street reflects how much control you have over the direction of your life. Consider also the name on the street as it may offer some significance or advice to the meaning of the dream.

Neigborhood
To dream about your neighborhood represents a sense of community. You need to develop new friends and new ties. Consider your waking feelings toward your neighbors.

Neighbor
To dream of having a good neighbor signifies enjoyment and tranquility at home. If you dream of an angry or unfriendly neighbor, then it signifies dissension and disappointment. There is a waking issue that you need to address with your neighbor. Alternatively, the dream could mean relocation from your home. Perhaps you are in need of a change of scenery.

Lawn
To see a green lawn in your dream represents hope, pleasure, and well-being. You are in control and are making steady and smooth progress. If the lawn is overgrown or full of weeds, then it means that you are not taking good care of yourself.

dream #2
i’m in a wide open indor space with sherry, tin-win, jeanette, >, >, and i have just been entertaining them for an entire day. i’ feel like a failure of a host because i think the entire afternoon was spent doing really mundane shit with my family and that i had chosen to take my friends along on family activities and stayed for longer at those functions than probably ould have been entertaining for them (in real life this actually probably wouldn’t be a problem). tin-win, sherry, and jeanette are sitting and lounged about on cream-colored sofas, i think, and i get the impression that jeanette is kinda looking at something in her hands and has her legs kicked up a bit irreverently. i ask if they had fun during the day. jeanette tell me something like, “to be honest, no.” and then goes back to doing whatever she was formerly doing which is talking to everyone, i think, and i feel bad and ignored.

i think josh wu is nearby and he asks us if we want to go do something or go somewhere with him. i think i am the only taker. i look up at him, past some sofa, and he is holding up a giant beaker-like thing filled with purple wine. i tel him i’l go with him but that i’m not going to drink alcohol. he asks if i always avoid alcohol, and i say pretty much, and i think either he or someone else tries to offer me up alternatives to alcohol…

Glass
To see glass in your dream symbolizes passivity or protection. You may be putting up an invisible barrier to protect yourself in a situation or relationship. If the glass is dirty, cloudy or discolored, then it suggests that you are not seeing something clearly. You need more clarity in a situation. To dream that you are drinking from a glass is an omen of good luck.

Beaker
To see or use a beaker in you dream signifies your need to integrate various aspects of your life together. Alternatively, the dream represents logic and objectivity. Perhaps you need to try looking at a problem from a completely different perspective.

Wine Glass
To see a wine glass in your dream represents happiness. It may also be symbolic of a pregnancy. If you break the wine glass, then it may denote a miscarriage.

Wine
To dream of drinking wine symbolizes festivity, celebration, companionship, satisfaction and success. You are content with the way your life is going. The dream may also be a pun on “whining” and how you like to whine about things. In particular, to dream that you are drinking red wine signifies excess and sensuality.

vivian:
escaping from zombies. i’m in a house, and some guys who look like cops are coming. there’s one really tall and buff guy, in particular. not really sure how i know what he looks like… think i see a movie-like third-person shot of him outside my house and somehow put together that he is this bad dude who is coming for me. i don’t know who i’m with, but it’s a boy. i crack open a window and kick out the mesh and leave from it. the boy hesitates because he wants to see some new dragonball z game. i shall not tolerate that ridiculousness and tell him he needs to come. he finally concedes.

we run through the streets — but perhaps i am now alone — and now zombies are frothing at the mouth and trying to beckon us (or me) to join them… they have kind of a goo trail from their mouths and the second you touch it, you turn into a zombie.

before i know it, i’m at this house. i guess my parents live there? it’s this really nice house up on top of a GIANT hill. like giant. like a mountain. when i first get there, there are no zombies. soon, my mom sees them approaching down below on our giant garden / lawn. she tells this to my dad and he is less angry about the idea than he is about the idea of zombies trampling his garden. (both of my parents are white.)

inside the main entry way of our house are all kinds of pots… of the gardening variety. they are empty. they are arranged in some fancypants way. soon, zombies appear at our door. i decide to use some of the giant gardening porcelain pots to attack the zombies with. on the walkway in front of our house, there is basically a giant cliff. the stairway up runs along to the right side, but immediately in front of the door is just a space for standing, and behind that is a long ways down to the ground below.

zombies come solo for a while — a lot of girls, i think — and i use the giant pot to push them off the cliff to down below. some fall in a pool. some splatter to their death. they certainly all die. i hear some zombie mentioning that ## of zombies are dead out of ## who have been converted, and the number that was dead was sooooo small compared to the number that had been converted.

the zombies keep coming, some in pairs, and i keep pushing them off. it seems my parents have disappeared. i’m running out of pots, because i would sometimes throw the pots off with the zombies.

but soon comes this guy that doesn’t look like a zombie. it’s extremely surprising. he is this extremely good-looking dirty blonde guy wearing a white shirt and grey jeans. i pretty much forget all about the danger, and my first words to him are something like, “if i can be a zombie with you for eternity, i’ll do it.” i reckon he is amused by this sentiment, and comes in. the zombies have gone away for the evening. he tells me he’s a ‘turner’ and somehow i know exactly what that means — he can turn zombies back into humans.

this is a thought that fascinates me. so he tries it on me. we kiss. he turns when i turn. i guess he has zombie in him, but it’s dormant. the process is slightly painful and i feel a little “green” and like i have boils on my body. it’s a little dizzying. but that’s about it.

my new lover takes the time to try and turn some mega harmless girl zombie who is in the corner of the house, not attacking anyone. he puts his hand on her leg and it is quite obviously painful to transform from a zombie to a human. he turns human as he’s doing this, but it’s difficult for him to heal her because she’s being a pussy and can’t handle the pain. she brushes him off and shakes her head at him. she’s content being a zombie.

more kissing turns me back from a zombie into a human. he doesn’t turn from a human back into a zombie. it also doesn’t really hurt — perhaps because it hurts more the longer you’ve been a zombie and i’d only been one for a very brief time.

we spend the night cuddled up on the couch with two other people there — presumably tinwin and karen — and zombies don’t come in the night for some reason. i am amazingly content.

come morning, zombies stir me awake. so up until now, when i had been attacking zombies at my door with pots, i would open the door to greet them — to surprise them — and push them off the cliff before they ever got to the point of knocking on the door or breaking it. this morning, i see two zombies outside my door and open the door to do what i had done before. (there is like, one large brown porcelain pot left in the house, not including the one i have in my hand.) to my surprise, there are more than two zombies in front of my door. the other ones are being sneaky, and have wrapped themselves around the side of the house, near the stairs. oh shit. they’re forcing their way in, and force me in by pushing the pot.

and then i sees it. zombie lenny. zombie lenny is holding a broken piece of ceramic plate and is threatening me with it in some way. he breaks off another small sliver of the broken plate, making it more dull than it previously was. not sure why.

he kind of corners me back into my room, which happens to be on the same floor, and kisses me. i turn. apparently he has had this all plotted out and has this book with him. after he turns me, he pulls open the book. it’s like, a death book of sorts. before us were two other people — two males — who had died together. perhaps members of his family. now he filled in some empty spots within these red stamps with my name and his name. and then he proceeded to die / pass out…… fully expecting me to do the same right next to him. but as always, lenny passed out with the quickness, and i didn’t even feel close to wanting to die. i guess in this world being a zombie was a sickness, and the longer you were one, the more likely you were to just die.

so while he passes out i grab half of this giant human-sized donut that had been sitting in my room. no idea why. i guess it’s so old part of it had molded black and was flaking off. a thin shell of the glaze type stuff remained and i carried it to the living room, part with donut, but most of it was looking like a piece of snakeskin (flat). not sure what i intended to do with it. make the zombies sick with mold somehow???

when i get back in the living room, i drop the mold donut in shock. karen and tinwin are on the couch, looking like they are asleep. my nameless lover is on the couch next to them, also ‘asleep’. it’s fucked up. they’ve attached some kind of mechanical pump to him that looks like a bunch of koolaid type drink packets strung together. a girl is sitting on his lap, also asleep, and his fluids are being pumped to her for some reason. two “head zombies” are to the right, supervising. i’m not sure what they are doing, but i somehow have the idea that they are going to be using him to sell some kind of soft drink that really rich people can buy to keep themselves from being zombies. i guess zombies need money too…??? i feel completely helpless because i can’t do anything to help him. it’s completely disturbing. i think about touching him to hopefully turn him into a zombie, but am afraid of killing him since machines are attached to him. in retrospect, i think i should have put him out of his misery, but there surely must have been a selfish aspect to that too.

vivian:
i send out a myspace bulletin asking if anyone wants to go to a movie with me, which is odd behavior to begin with. i don’t recall anyone responding, but before i know it, i’m at lars’ apartment complex and to get to his apartment, we have to cross through a metal gate and then walk down this like, really shallow sloped hallway. he has a deflated ball the size of a baseball in his hand and holds it up, smiling. i’m not sure why, but then i see that he has thrown it town the sloped area and was trying to make it hit the button to the left of the door that automatically makes the door opened for handicapped people. he misses, so i try. then a couple other people show up — i think eugene and someone else equally random — and i try throwing the ball at the handicapped door opener thing. but there are all sorts of people out and about now, and i’m afraid of accidentally hitting someone. also, now the ceiling is lower and it seems near impossible to be able to throw the ball and hit the opener. i make a vague, weak attempt and fail at hitting it, by a long shot.

so eventually we go onto the movie theatre, which is in olympia. the quest there is not something that i remember; i only remember actually being there. it’s in an old movie house with dark carpeting and dim lighting. i’m standing around the snack dispensing counter area and now lenny is here… him, lars, and eugene (or maybe random guy) run off into another room and start chatting it up. i’m with some other people who i don’t know but i think i am speaking to? a lot of time passes, or at least it feels like it, and i’m not sure exactly what time the movie starts but i feel like maybe it has already started, so i run into the other room and tell the three boys it’s time to go watch the movie. they seem rather surprised.

we go to the rooms with the theatres, and they are these little tiny rooms set up like dining rooms. they have tables and chairs strewn throughout. we sit in the far right corner (upon first walking in). i need to go to the bathroom so i tell the three of them that i’ll be right back. i go to the bathroom. it’s white tile. it’s crowded. there are three people in stalls already and one girl in front of me, who soon goes into a stall. the girl behind me grabs a key from somewhere in that bathroom and leaves, saying she is going to use the kitchen bathroom.

finally a couple girls are done. one opens the door and the floor is all wet. i think that’s gross, but it’s no big deal. then she says, “i think i already clogged it.” i look and there is just poop all over the floor — these huge ass long ass poops. and inside the toilet bowls too. three other stalls open up. they are all the same. just fucking covered with shit. i don’t know if i actually go poop because it is all so disgusting. i see two mini-sinks and think about using those for pooping somehow but i don’t. fuck, it’s pretty gross. words cannot describe the grossness… although, strangely, it didn’t smell? O__o

i go back to the movie room and the three boys are still sitting in the same table configuration (lenny to my left, lars to my across diagonal, random person to my across), but the table is located elsewhere now. it’s no longer the corner table. lenny says, “you were gone ten minutes!” like that was a long time or something. him and lars are going to start a business together or something… the movie has amazingly still not begun yet.