Archive

frustration

vivian:
dream #1
i am somewhere with some guy and micah. there are a series of rooms, all of which are extremely dimly lit. corridors. a lot happens but i don’t really remember much of it, and then at some point i am fucking around and playing around with micah because i think his friend and him are talking about skateboarding moves and being goofy about them. i cut micah’s leg; we all have a good laugh or something. then his friend and i move into another room. later micah comes towards me and he is spurting blood everywhere from that wound, but somehow he’s light-hearted about it. i start to freak out and am like, wtf, did i cut his corrotic artery or something? but i have no actual clue if that is actually a thing or if that is THE thing or how to even spell it. i begin trying to google it on some indian woman (?)’s computer and i keep spelling it wrong in google because perhaps it doesn’t exist, but i’m so certain it exists in my dream — yet i keep mispelling it repeatedly. it’s exceptionally frustrating.

meanwhile, micah is still bleeding.. it’s gushing i think through his pants, which is crazy. while i’m still frantically trying to spell corrotic artery, i keep getting theser really intense search results. i remember one page that gets pulled up is one with a lot of images of women — super stock and sterile — against white or blue-white backgrounds, with flowers, crying, and the websites have blue text atop white backgrounds as well. or maybe purple-blue. in any case, the websites are all about grieving and what to do with dead bodies, and the indian lady, standing to my left, says something about how that doesn’t bode well for micah’s injury. it is at this point, and because of that comment, that i tell micah’s friend, who i standing behind me as i’m searching on the computer, to call 911. he finally does, and i’m not sure why no one did it earlier.

the freind or the indian lady, i forget who, tells me that the ambulance is here. i look up and see the flashing lights of their vehicles and micah is being put away on a stretcher. i don’t go there right away, still so worried about spelling the word right or something. in a matter of secnds, the stretcher is taken away and the vehicle is gone. i freak out some more and ask some man — older, seemingly famous, appeared from nowhere yet somehow knows all of us — what the ambulance and hospital had said. he said they had said literally nothing and had just slammed the door and left. he doesn’t seem particularly pleased about this or particularly bummed out. eventually the two of us sit down in the room where i was checking the computer on black cushions, kind of cross-legged across from each other. i’m not really sure what happens here…

fast-forward, and i think with a lash that i need to call micah’s girlfriend sarah because i’m the only one who knows about this and the hopistal didn’t take down any information so it’s not like he’ll be calling her anyitme soon. the thought crosses my mind and he’s gonig to wake up the next morning, all alone, and confused, nd i will not be able to do anything about it.

fast-forward. i’m soemwhere else,but it’s equaly a dark place. the layout is –kind– of the same, long, narow corridors, but there is definitely way more stuff in the rooms. the one where the computer would have been is slightly narrower, whereas the one where micah would have been cut is slightly larger. anyway, i’m calling sarah from a kitchen room or something — not sure how it is shaped — and she seems ummmmmmm. not as disturbed as i thought she would be. i thought they were madly in love but she tells me that her and micah broke up a while ago, essentially, and that she is currently dating a woman, but that she really loves me, and i get the sense that she has been broken up with micah for quite a while and has been dating another woman, but still has tons of flings on the side. that weirds me out.

fast-forward. i am in a room with a bunch of people, women, or something. they seem judgmental… at some point, i am wearing a costume and my costume involves a thin white paper cone dunce hat thing and a white dress or outfit of some sort. eventually, i am with someone else add we start to run through these dark rooms — particularly the one that leads to outside, whic his like a dark laundry room crammed with a bunch of shit. in the laundry room, we run into another guy who has just come home. he has tons of things carried under his arms (like giant boxes or something), and he has so much stuff it’s awkard for him to have entered the door by himself and without help. he gives me the impression of someone like uncle jesse from full house in that he is really comforting. i have been waiting for him quite a while because he is the anti-thesis of the judgemental people in the other room or something. i feel like that maybe in him there is some sort of equalizing factor that will either make their judgments neutral or will make them think differently of us? i’m not sure. me, in my white dunce cap outfit, rush outside with my friend (?) who seems to have emerged out of nowhere and he is wearnig a red gnome cap. we run as if we are fleeing something like embarrassment and go across the stret to this other house nd sit upon their lawn, right next tot he teps that lead up to their door, right in front of what is probably their living room window. there’s some sort of decorative quality to this house that seems to match very well in my head with our outfits, but i don’t rcall what that quality that is. we sit on their lawn, side by side, and it feels safe.

Corridor
To walk along a corridor in your dream signifies a transitional phase of self exploration. It signals spiritual enlightenment, emotional growth, physical prowess, new opportunities and mental passages in your life. If you are walking through a long corridor, then it represents your desperation in trying to escape a repetitive situation or some behavior patterns. You need to free yourself of this repetition. Alternatively, it symbolizes the choices and options that are available to you. You have a lot of things to consider.

Dim
To dream that it is dim indicates that you are lacking clarity in a waking situation. You need to shed some light or perspective on the issue. Alternatively, the dream may be a metaphor for someone who is dumb or stupid.

Cutting
To dream that you are cutting something signifies a broken relationship or severed connection. Alternatively, the dream may be a metaphor for something you need to “cut out” in your life. Perhaps it refers to a bad habit or a certain food.

Legs
To dream that your leg is wounded or crippled signifies a lack of balance, autonomy, or independence in your life. You may be unable or unwilling to stand up for yourself. Perhaps you are lacking courage and refuse to make a stand. If your dream that one of your leg is shorter than the other, then it suggests that there is some imbalance in some aspect of your life. You are placing more emphasis and weight on one thing, while ignoring other important aspects that need attention as well. If you are a woman and dream that your legs are hairy, then it suggests that you are domineering or that you dominate in the relationship.

Blood
To see blood in your dream represents life, love, and passion as well as disappointments. To dream that others are bleeding signifies an emotional cry for help.

Computer
To see a computer in your dream symbolizes technology, information, and modern life. New areas of opportunities are being opened to you. Alternatively, computers represent a lack of individuality and lack of emotions and feelings. Too often, you are just going along with the flow, without voicing your own opinions and views. You may also feel a depreciated sense of superiority. To dream that your computer has a mind of its own denotes anxiety about technology and loss of control. You are feeling overwhelmed and that you are at the mercy of another. To dream that a computer has a virus or has crashed suggests that something in your life that is out of control. It may parallel something in your life that has come to a crashing end.

Spelling
To dream that you are spelling a word suggests that you are trying to understand a difficult idea by breaking it down into smaller parts. To dream that you cannot spell indicates that you are having difficulties attacking a problem in your life.

Photograph
To see a photograph in your dream indicates that there is a relationship that needs your attention. You are not looking deep enough into the problem. Alternatively, the dream means that you are clinging on to the past or to some false hope.

Woman
To see a woman in your dream represents nurturance, passivity, caring nature, and love. It refers to your own female aspects or your mother. Alternatively, a woman indicates temptation and guilt. To see a group of women talking in your dream refers to some gossip.

Crying
To see someone else crying in your dream, may be a projection of your own feelings onto someone else. If you do not cry in your waking life, then seeing someone else cry may be a little easier to deal with then seeing yourself cry.

Death
To dream about the death of a loved one suggests that you are lacking a certain aspect or quality that the loved one embodies. Ask yourself what makes this person special or what you like about them. It is that very quality that you are lacking in your own relationship or circumstances. Alternatively, to see someone dying in your dream signifies that your feelings for that person are dead or that a significant change/loss is occurring in your relationship with that person. Alternatively, you may want to repress that aspect of yourself that is represented by the dying person.

Emergency
To dream of an emergency indicates that there is a urgent matter that needs your immediate attention. You are about to learn an important lesson.

Ambulance
To see an ambulance in your dream indicates that your careless activities and indiscretion may lead to major problems and complications. This dream may also stem from your own fears of contracting a disease or your deteriorating health. Perhaps, you should cease what you are doing and pay closer attention to some waking situation.
Stretcher
To dream that you are lying on a stretcher indicates your need to be rescued from some situation or relationship. Perhaps you need to take time out and confront your emotional demons.

Stretcher
To dream that you are lying on a stretcher indicates your need to be rescued from some situation or relationship. Perhaps you need to take time out and confront your emotional demons. To see a stretcher in your dream suggests that there is trouble ahead for you in the near future.

Sitting
To dream that you are sitting indicates your indecision. You do not know what you want to do about something. It also suggests that you are idling and wasting your life away.

Cushion
To see or use a cushion in your dream suggests that you are in need of more rest and relaxation. Alternatively, the dream may be a metaphor that you need to “cushion” or distance yourself against a hurtful situation or some offensive remarks.

Kitchen
To see a kitchen in your dream signifies your need for warmth, spiritual nourishment and healing. It may also be symbolic of the nurturing mother or the way that you are for your loved ones. Alternatively the kitchen represents a transformation. Something new or life altering is about to occur. The dream could also be telling you that if “you can’t stand the heat, then you need to get out of the kitchen”. You need to abort your plans.

Telephone
To see or hear a telephone in your dream signifies a message from your unconscious or some sort of telepathic communication. You may be forced to confront issues which you have been avoiding. Alternatively, the telephone represents your communication and relationship with others. To dream that you are having a telephone conversation with someone you know signifies an issue that you need to confront with that person. This issue may have to do with letting go some part of yourself.

Judgment
To dream that you are being judged indicates that you are being put through some test. You are seeking acceptance in order to move forward.

Clothing
To dream of your clothes is symbolic of your public self and how you are perceived. It is indicative of the act you put on in front of others. Clothes are also an indication of your condition and status in life. Thus, if you wear clothes that do not suit you or that you normally would not wear, then it suggests that you are putting up a front and trying to deceive others. Something in your life is “unsuitable”. It may be a symbol of hypocrisy and being someone that you are not. Alternatively, it could also mean that you are revealing a hidden part of yourself to the world.

Costume
To dream that you are wearing a costume indicates that you are putting on a facade toward others. You do not want to reveal your true self and are not being completely honest with people around you.

White
White represents purity, perfection, peace, innocence, dignity, cleanliness, awareness, and new beginnings. You may be experiencing a reawakening or have a fresh outlook on life.�Alternatively, white refers to a clean, blank slate. Or it may refer to a cover-up. In Eastern cultures, white is associated with death and mourning.

Paper
To see blank white paper in your dream signifies your desire to make a fresh start in your life. You need to express yourself through writing or art. Alternatively, blank paper indicates that you need to work on being more communicative.

Cone
To see a cone in your dream represents a flow of ideas and feelings.

Hat
To see or wear a hat in your dream indicates that you are hiding an aspect of yourself or that you are covering up something. Alternatively, it represents your attitude or the various roles and responsibilities you have in your waking life. To dream that you are wearing a top hat denotes your aspirations for wealth. It is also symbolic of male elegance and formality. If the top hat is knocked off your head, then it suggests a loss in your status of a fear that you will be stripped of your authority.

Laundromat
To dream that you are at a Laundromat represents a transformation or cleansing. You are ready to rid yourself of past hurts. It is time for new changes.

Clutter
To see clutter in your dream indicates that you need to clean up and organize a certain aspect of your life. The dream could be telling you that you need to let go of the past.

Man
To see a man in your dream denotes the aspect of yourself that is assertive, rational, aggressive, and/or competitive. Perhaps you need to incorporate these aspects into your own character.

Carry
To dream that you are being carried suggests that you are feeling like a burden to somebody. You need to be more independent and take on more responsibilities. Alternatively, it may elude to romance.

Friend
To see friends in your dream signify aspects of your personality that you have rejected, but are ready to incorporate and acknowledge. The relationships you have with those around you are important in learning about yourself. Alternatively, dreaming of a friend indicates positive news.

Red
Red is an indication of raw energy, force, vigor, intense passion, aggression, power, courage, impulsiveness and passion. The color red has deep emotional and spiritual connotations. Consider the phrase “seeing red” to denote anger. Alternatively, the color red in your dream indicates a lack of energy. You are feeling tired or lethargic.
Red is also the color of danger, violence, blood, shame, rejection, sexual impulses and urges. Perhaps you need to stop and think about your actions.

Embarrassment
To dream that you are embarrassed signifies hidden weaknesses, fears and lack of self-confidence. This dream also suggests that you are also harboring some insecurities about your sexuality.

Running
To dream that you are running away from someone indicates an issue that you are trying to avoid. You are not taking or accepting responsibility for your actions. In particular, if you are running from an attacker or any danger, then it suggests that you are not facing and confronting your fears.

Street
To see a street in your dream symbolizes your life’s path. The condition of the street reflects how much control you have over the direction of your life. Consider also the name on the street as it may offer some significance or advice to the meaning of the dream.

Neigborhood
To dream about your neighborhood represents a sense of community. You need to develop new friends and new ties. Consider your waking feelings toward your neighbors.

Neighbor
To dream of having a good neighbor signifies enjoyment and tranquility at home. If you dream of an angry or unfriendly neighbor, then it signifies dissension and disappointment. There is a waking issue that you need to address with your neighbor. Alternatively, the dream could mean relocation from your home. Perhaps you are in need of a change of scenery.

Lawn
To see a green lawn in your dream represents hope, pleasure, and well-being. You are in control and are making steady and smooth progress. If the lawn is overgrown or full of weeds, then it means that you are not taking good care of yourself.

dream #2
i’m in a wide open indor space with sherry, tin-win, jeanette, >, >, and i have just been entertaining them for an entire day. i’ feel like a failure of a host because i think the entire afternoon was spent doing really mundane shit with my family and that i had chosen to take my friends along on family activities and stayed for longer at those functions than probably ould have been entertaining for them (in real life this actually probably wouldn’t be a problem). tin-win, sherry, and jeanette are sitting and lounged about on cream-colored sofas, i think, and i get the impression that jeanette is kinda looking at something in her hands and has her legs kicked up a bit irreverently. i ask if they had fun during the day. jeanette tell me something like, “to be honest, no.” and then goes back to doing whatever she was formerly doing which is talking to everyone, i think, and i feel bad and ignored.

i think josh wu is nearby and he asks us if we want to go do something or go somewhere with him. i think i am the only taker. i look up at him, past some sofa, and he is holding up a giant beaker-like thing filled with purple wine. i tel him i’l go with him but that i’m not going to drink alcohol. he asks if i always avoid alcohol, and i say pretty much, and i think either he or someone else tries to offer me up alternatives to alcohol…

Glass
To see glass in your dream symbolizes passivity or protection. You may be putting up an invisible barrier to protect yourself in a situation or relationship. If the glass is dirty, cloudy or discolored, then it suggests that you are not seeing something clearly. You need more clarity in a situation. To dream that you are drinking from a glass is an omen of good luck.

Beaker
To see or use a beaker in you dream signifies your need to integrate various aspects of your life together. Alternatively, the dream represents logic and objectivity. Perhaps you need to try looking at a problem from a completely different perspective.

Wine Glass
To see a wine glass in your dream represents happiness. It may also be symbolic of a pregnancy. If you break the wine glass, then it may denote a miscarriage.

Wine
To dream of drinking wine symbolizes festivity, celebration, companionship, satisfaction and success. You are content with the way your life is going. The dream may also be a pun on “whining” and how you like to whine about things. In particular, to dream that you are drinking red wine signifies excess and sensuality.

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i am upstairs in an attic or something. it’s someone else’s house, i think sherry’s. tin-win is sitting on the bed next to me, sherry in one corner to my right, near the door, someone else to my back left (female) on a chair, someone else to the far back left in the corner (male) on a chair. i feel like there is a shower in the top right corner of the room. it is a square room. a dresser sits to the top left.

there are three distinctive bags of candy strewn about on sherry’s bed, and i ask her if we can eat from one of them. two of the bags seem to be kit-kat varieties initially, though i’ve never seen them before. i make tin-win and sherry choose which bag to eat from; tin-win chooses the kit-kats that look like they’re in a normal wrapper, and sherry chooses some that are in a white wrapper. i’m not sure what the reasoning is — there is some kind of arbitrary reasoning — but i choose sherry’s. i throw one to her and she breaks off one strip of the four, then throws it to tin-win, who comments on how it is smart that she broke off one piece of the four. she throws it to me, and i pass it along to the people behind me. i don’t actually recall eating it myself, and if in fact ther were four pieces and everyone else took a piece, i dunno how i would have eaten the piece.

so initially, we’re throwing around the entire bag, i believe, but by the time the wrapper gets in my hands, it is just a solitary wrapper. i feel like it is turkish, and i think i may even say that, but when i look at it, it actually has chinese writing. it’s not actually a kit-kat, either.

fast-forward a bit, and this might even be an entirely different dream. i am in a living room, and i think it is my house. it has dark walls. it is elegantly furnished, victorian-esque, i believe. i think it’s just me, maybe. troy (my boyfriend) is somewhere else but i recall being in touch with him over the telephone or something, though we don’t have a direct conversation. at some point, troy one emerges, and he is sitting at the dining room table, made of dark wood. it seems he has a letter i had written him — perhaps THE letter i had written him — and is commenting on it like it was no big deal, like we were still friends, like it was fine. he was asking me about a book i had bought him, and i told him that i didn’t have it anymore because i had lent it to someone in seattle and he had never returned it (that was the truth, in real life). he then asked me if i still wanted to do _______ if i wasn’t going to ethiopia, and i thought in my head that i wasn’t going to ethiopia, but i might be going to portugal, and anyway, i didn’t want to do that…

at some point i am standing fairly far away from him in the room, and he comes up to me and hugs me. i hug him back, and it feels really, really good to be hugging him like that. but then he turns my face towards him, and i really don’t want to look at him because i feel i know what will happen, and what i feel will happen does happen — he starts to kiss me, a lot, on the lips. small pecks. i tell him that i can’t. i think i say i have a boyfriend. i even start tearing up and one rolls down my face. he stops.

fast-forward. we’re in the kitchen. troy is standing to my front right, lenny to my front left. the refrigerator is directly in front of me. lenny meets him and is like, “oh! you’re troy!” as if he knew, though in real life he probably wouldn’t recognize the name and reference. he jokes with troy, “i just started dating her,” and he says oh, and then lenny laughs and is like, “just kidding!” and i don’t know if he says he is my ex-boyfriend or not. i think he does.

fast-forward, and i think lenny turns into my brother phil, or phil just appears and lenny disappears. in either case, phil is weirded out that troy is there and asks if we want to go take a walk around the neighborhood. then asks if we want to go eat sushi. i’m not actually sure that i want to take a walk around the neighborhood, but i agree to. we get outside and it looks like we’re in england, really way back when, with all cobblestone streets, lots of grey, tall buildings. it seems like victorian-era england, though we’re dressed just normally.

we’re walking, and then we come across some broken down cars or something. also grey. old-school. i dunno why but we’re there FOREVER and my brother is trying to help fix them or something, though it’s not like he knows anything about cars and he physically is doing nothing. it’s like he’s just standing around looking at them, but that he feels like he needs to. the back tire, at least in the one troy is standing in front of, is busted and looks like it’s falling apart. there is no driver. my brother is standing near the other car.

meanwhile, i am getting impatient. troy is standing near the second of the cars, doing nothing in particular, and i go talk to my brother, who is standing by the first car, about how i want to leave to go eat sushi and also ask him if i should ask troy just what the fuck happened to him all these months. my brother says that i shouldn’t, but i contradict him and argue that i think i should. i want to leave so i can question him about just what the fuck. i think i wake up.

Attic
To see an attic in your dream represents hidden memories or repressed thoughts that are being revealed. It also symbolizes your mind, spirituality, and your connection to the higher Self. Alternatively, it signifies difficulties in your life that may hinder you from attaining your goals and aspirations. However, after a long period of struggle, you will overcome these difficulties. To see a cluttered attic in your dream is a sign to organize your mind and thoughts. Perhaps, you need to rid yourself of the past and let go of the past emotions that are holding you back.

Bedroom
To dream that you are in the bedroom signifies aspects of yourself that you keep private. It is also indicative of your sexual nature and intimate relations.

Drawers
To see drawers in your dream signify your inner and hidden state and being. In particular, a disorderly drawer represents internal chaos and turmoil while an orderly drawer signifies calmness. Alternatively, a drawer symbolizes your reserves. There is something that you have stored away, but are now ready to use or express. If the drawer is full, then it symbolizes your many resources. If the drawer is empty, then it denotes your need to fulfill your goals.

Candy
To see or eat candy in your dream symbolizes the joys and the special treats in life. It also represents indulgence, sensuality and/or forbidden pleasure. You may be devoting too much time to unimportant issues. To dream of eating crisp, new candy, implies social pleasures and much love-making among the young and old.

Share
To dream that you are sharing something symbolizes your generosity toward others. Perhaps you need to be more generous with your feelings.

Table
To see a table in your dream represents social unity and family connections. If the table is broken, wobbly or not functional, then it suggests some dissension in a group. It may also refer to a sense of insecurity. Perhaps there is something you cannot hold inside any longer and need to bring it out in the open.

Memory
To dream about a memory suggests that you are ready to rid yourself of your old ways and undergo a transformation. You are ready for a new outlook in life. Recalling a memory in your dream may also be less of a shock then if you had recalled the memory in your waken state. Alternatively, the dream indicates that you have learned from your past experiences.

Hugging
To dream that you are hugging someone symbolizes your loving and caring nature. You are holding someone or something close to your heart. Alternatively, it may indicate your need to be more affectionate.

Kissing
If someone tries to kiss you against your will, then it means that someone is shoving their ideas, beliefs and opinions in your face. He or she is forcing you to do something that you do not really want to do. This dream may also mean that you are refusing to accept some repressed aspect of yourself. If you are kissed by a stranger, then your dream is one of self-discovery. You need to get more acquainted with some aspect of yourself.

Tears
To dream that you are in tears signify that you are undergoing a period of healing in your life. The tears symbolize compassion, emotional healing and spiritual cleansing. Alternatively, tears indicate pain.

Kitchen
To see a kitchen in your dream signifies your need for warmth, spiritual nourishment and healing. It may also be symbolic of the nurturing mother or the way that you are for your loved ones. Alternatively the kitchen represents a transformation. Something new or life altering is about to occur. The dream could also be telling you that if “you can’t stand the heat, then you need to get out of the kitchen”. You need to abort your plans. In a woman’s dreams a kitchen symbolizes how she nurtures others.

City
Dreaming of a city, particularly one known to us, is to be trying to understand our sense of community; of belonging to groups. If you dream of a big city, then it suggests that you need to develop closer ties and relationships. You are feeling alienated and alone. To dream that you are in a deserted city indicates that you feel rejected by those around you. To dream of a city in ruins denotes that you are neglecting your social relationships and allowing them to deteriorate.

Victorian
To dream that you are in the Victorian period indicates that you are feeling sexually repressed. You feel you are unable to full express yourself.

Gray
Gray indicates fear, fright, depression, ill health, ambivalence and confusion. You may feel emotionally distant isolated, or detached. Alternatively, the color gray symbolizes your individualism.

Car
In modern times most people will dream about the car or other similar forms of transport. Dreaming of a carriage, such as a horse-drawn one, could be suggestive of old-fashioned attitudes to modern thinking. All vehicles reflect the physical body, so anything wrong with the vehicle may alert us to a problem. A car in particular is a reflection of a person’s self-image and possibly sexuality and indeed any part of a car has significance. The back tires might suggest our support system, the steering wheel the way we control our lives and so on.

Tires
To see tires in your dream suggest that you are dwelling too much in the past and need to move on toward the future. It also refers to your emotional health and your ability to bounce back from adversity. You are able to carry yourself from one situation to another with confidence. To see or dream that you have a flat tire indicates that you are feeling emotionally drained and weary. Your goals are temporarily hindered and as a result, you are unable to progress any further. To dream that your tires have no more tread suggests that are unable to get any traction toward achieving your goals. Decay in dreams is evidence of the natural cycle of life:growth, decline and regeneration. Out of decay comes new growth and knowledge.

assessment of interpretations:
not sure, but there are certainly recurring themes of:
[1] letting go of the past;
[2] sexual confusion and frustration.
i will say that all of these things have been on my mind and were also discussed last night right before going to bed. the victorian-era thing seems natural to associate with troy one as well, so i wonder if, in general, he just represents the entirety of the victorian era (inability to express oneself sexually) as a whole, or if it is him in particular… because i can’t figure out why he would appear in my dream after so long…

jeanette:
i’m “let go” from my job, aka fired. i’m devastated, and after pleading with my boss, he says, “no, please leave.” it’s really scary because i often wonder if “cutting it” with my new gig, and in the dream, i’m not. following the firing and devastation, i’m out late at night with some people, and i am teaching them how to vigorously shake parking meters to get the quarters. i fill my pockets with so many quarters! it’s crazy.

inspiration: i have been working crazy hours and although not SUPER stressed out about work, it has definitely been the “it” thing in my life since the team transition.

vivian:
aaron and i live in some fancy multi-storied house with a white spiral staircase. i think we’re roommates or something. at one point, i’m upstairs and i feel like i’m kind of going crazy. i start seeing all these kid ghosts everywhere, and i’m freaking out. they are relentless — showing up all the time, flying around… they’re so plentiful in number they’re practically overlapping with one another in my vision. i step out of this room where all this crazy shit is happening and go sit on the staircase, hoping it’ll subside there, but it’s like, more vivid than ever. i finally stumble downstairs. i’m looking for aaron’s room and as i’m looking for it, i realize i’ve never been there before, because the house is sooooo huge. there are hella rooms and i have no idea where i’m going. and actually, there are massive numbers of people living there; there are many more people than just aaron and i, but i don’t really know who they are at all. i vaguely think they’re related to him. i’m going in and out of these rooms, catching bits and pieces of their lives, and they see me a little and i them a little, but no words are exchanged. finally, i settle in on sitting in some bedroom. someone i know is there and talking to me. i don’t think i particularly want to talk to him, but i don’t really have a choice, it feels like. finally, aaron pops his head in for a second and i’m like really excited to see him so i can tell him about the ghosts, because i don’t have anyone else around that i can talk to about them (and i guess i don’t want to talk to this guy i’m talking to about them?), but aaron says that he has to go for just a second because his friend is in the hospital and he needs to see them… and i get a flash of what his friend looks like in the hospital, almost as if i’ve already visited him myself. the end.

inspiration: hung out with aaron the previous night and he was definitely running around a lot in and out of rooms, haha.

vivian:
micah cheating on me… or maybe not… because i don’t know if we’re together or if i’m just jealous. i think i’m trying to get back with him and then, although i thought he’s only been with one girl since, he’s been with like six or seven. and this is bothersome, and i think that it is not possible that we can be together because that is too disgusting.

vivian:
lenny and i have broken up obviously and apparently it is now a fairly well-known fact that jeanette and lenny are trying to hook up with one another. disturbing, obviously. we’re at some house, though, and i’m trying to seduce lenny sexually. apparently this is also fairly well-known, and we’re in some room together, him on the bed, me walking around, and jeanette comes in and goes to use the bathroom in this room, and doesn’t say anything else, really, but is just trying to be unobvious in her obvious attempts to see what we were doing.

at some point i freak the fuck out about the idea that they’re trying to get together and like slap the shit out of lenny. lol. quite uncomfortable!!!

later on, we all go to some store. i don’t know what is going on there but i think i have my hands down lenny’s pantalones at some point. and then i have them down my pantalones but it feels like my hands are down his pantalones :0 (aka penis).

we go inside and there’s this busy busy store with lots of trinkets and jeanette has a big bag. she wants to steal this weird little collection of items that are displayed on one sheet of cardboard yet don’t really have anything to do with one another. she starts stuffing stuff in her bag and to my right, i see a camera, but i don’t mention it because i think that the rack right next to me will be blocking the camera.

i am looking at a rack full of little puff stickers thinking of what to get roxanne or someone. on that rack also, there are some rubber bands of the awesome kind that i used to get from taiwan that don’t stick to your hair when you pull them out. sherry and i are marveling over them and we each decide to buy a pack.

then later on we’re all gathered and sitting for some meeting or display put on by the store owners for us. halfway through the meeting, the demonstrator gets a phone call and she picks it up and then hangs up and walks over to jeanette’s bag and pulls out the stolen items. jeanette is obviously freaking out and i am slightly nervous because it turned out i had forgotten to pay for those rubber bands i wanted to buy!

jeanette:
i had a dream that this guy (bob schaeffer *fake name*) hated me. he’s jordana’s bff from college who is now her roommate. and he dates (kind of?) stacy.

anyways. he hasn’t always been my favorite person. in fact, currently, he is still on my “eh” list – but i have grown to like him more and more in the past few months.

in the dream, he was the LEADER of a group of people who were my “friends” that hated me. like, HATED. it was such a horrible feeling. not that i particularly care if they love me. but i guess, just like in real life, i dont need to be LOVED by everyone but it really does feel awful to be hated. intensely, hated. part of the reason they hated me was because they had gotten to my planner, which doubles as a journal (not currently, but has in the past) and read about how i talked shit about them. etc. childish. regardless.

oh ya, and even tho it was so very fake (not a REALITY dream, where all the components are real) but like certain things that i thought (in my dream) really did happen. like when i found out josh HATED ME. i thought to myself, but at the beer pong tournament when he was BBQ’ing for everyone, i was being super nice and gave him more than one hug for making food for everyone. ahhaha. like that. dream, not real. but thought back to real things that DID happen. am i confusing anyone?

weird. and strange and horrible. i woke up thinking something i never thought would cross my mind especially not first thought when waking: “OMG DOES BOB SCHAEFFER HATE ME?”

sounds like some silly cheeseball teen movie. or tv show. or some silly teen’s real life reality.