we’re all running down the street. i’m with a few other people. don’t know why we’re running. i suddenly start to run like a gorilla, with my two hands, fist down on the ground, and using my left leg to stumble along. it felt strangely VERY natural and i was kind of amazed that it went so smoothly despite the fact that my fourth limb was not being used at all. then josh and alex run across a crosswalk, racing one another, without watching. they almost get hit by a car but don’t. the driver of the car is surprised at first but then smiles.

cruising down i-5. i’m in the backseat and two people are in the front seat. i think alex is driving? there’s construction going on all around. EVERYWHERE. no buildings exist anymore… no trees… no sidewalks… nothing. it doesn’t feel particularly dreadful, though, because there are these mounds of dirt that have been shaped like sculptures… kind of like how sand sculptures are shaped. so there’s basically these sculpted brown mounds of dirt everywhere. we start going down a hill kinda and i think we’re going to slam into a dirt sculpture mound but actually the tunnel goes underneath the dirt mounds, i think. then i wake up, because my alarm goes off.

i had a dream that this guy (bob schaeffer *fake name*) hated me. he’s jordana’s bff from college who is now her roommate. and he dates (kind of?) stacy.

anyways. he hasn’t always been my favorite person. in fact, currently, he is still on my “eh” list – but i have grown to like him more and more in the past few months.

in the dream, he was the LEADER of a group of people who were my “friends” that hated me. like, HATED. it was such a horrible feeling. not that i particularly care if they love me. but i guess, just like in real life, i dont need to be LOVED by everyone but it really does feel awful to be hated. intensely, hated. part of the reason they hated me was because they had gotten to my planner, which doubles as a journal (not currently, but has in the past) and read about how i talked shit about them. etc. childish. regardless.

oh ya, and even tho it was so very fake (not a REALITY dream, where all the components are real) but like certain things that i thought (in my dream) really did happen. like when i found out josh HATED ME. i thought to myself, but at the beer pong tournament when he was BBQ’ing for everyone, i was being super nice and gave him more than one hug for making food for everyone. ahhaha. like that. dream, not real. but thought back to real things that DID happen. am i confusing anyone?

weird. and strange and horrible. i woke up thinking something i never thought would cross my mind especially not first thought when waking: “OMG DOES BOB SCHAEFFER HATE ME?”

sounds like some silly cheeseball teen movie. or tv show. or some silly teen’s real life reality.

so i was having an e-party at my parent’s house in danville. (the old house, not the new one) and i was hanging out with people in my (old) room and i think like half the party had gone by and i realized omg. i haven’t even dropped yet. ha ha. so after a while, i did and then soon after, the cops showed up. ps peewu was selling to me. ha haha haa so random. anyways as soon as i did, the cops showed up and other people went downstairs to deal with them. i remember hiding the little baggie of 4-5 pills in my closet. and i remember in the dream i remember, if they have dogs i’m fucked. but i hid it in a tupperware shelf in the closet and ya. so after a while of “avoiding” them, they approached me in the house. and i had to say, yes my parents own this house. and i was walking around with them in the upstairs. then i remember asking them if we were in trouble, and they said no, or something along those lines. but said, your parents are going to have to pay 33,000 dollars because we have been inspecting the house and they need new drains and shower heads.

aHaH um wtf.

anyways. i cant remember if this next (part of the?) dream was at the same time, before, after, same dream etc. but i also have recollection of being involved in this work thing. where i had to give part of a presentation on new media stuff (which i do at work) – and that i was totally fucking it up. basically before the actual presentation someone from another office (who was pretty senior, i think) called me for some background info and i started bs’ing shit and i think he totally called me out on it. then all i remember is during the actual presentation i was fuckin’ shit up! fsu.

inspiration: my friends have been trying to get me to go to EDC (a rave). and i’m just not sure i want to go. for a number of reasons. and the best word to describe my feelings on going is, “uneasy” – for some reason, i just am! it could be a number of things. the atmosphere, the age of the crowd, what i’ll be doing there, how i’ll feel the next day, etc. i’m sure it would be fun, just not sure if i’m looking to partake in that kind of FUN anymore. anyways so last night had dinner with some of the girls and that came up, whether or not im going. i still said, i don’t know. i said that if i could find cheap tix the day of off of craigslist, that i would…but im not too sure i’m down for that.

a group of us were going to go to wild waves and i had packed and was driving, when i called anna to be like, “isn’t it cheaper for us to buy our ticket somewhere else?” and anna was like, “go to safeway.” that moment i realized she was in the car ahead of me. all of a sudden, i go down and see this hella steep hill ahead of my car, and i freak out for a bit. i end up almost home, because i’ve somehow made a circle? i was pissed. then i thought about calling raymond to come but i didn’t. i called hye instead. we were at a gas station next and don was there. and he goes, “why is (someone’s name) brother’s best friend here with another girl?” i look up and see this guy i know, and i’m like, “what’s his girlfriend’s name?” and don says, “pickle.”

i’ve a pet rabbit from who knows where. her name is amanda, much like andy’s doggie. it is really quite young. i play with it day after day, but never really feed it. one day, it is barely mobile. i realize suddenly that i’ve never fed it and try to give it a hamburger since that’s all that i have. she doesn’t much want to eat it (and is sitting on the kitchen table with the hamburger). i also try and feed it water and it likes that a little better, but i finally decide that i must go buy it some legit rabbit food. i wonder about carrots but am not really sure if they are ACTUALLY rabbit food, outside of bugs bunny land.

alex is in my car. we’re going somewhere and i don’t recall if i’m driving or directing him. but there is some confusion… we’re supposed to go make a left turn but instead he or i drives straight. straight lands us in tons of traffic. but there’s more… on the opposite side of a street i see a dead man — seemingly unscathed, like he is sleeping — lying on the ground between two cars. no cars are moving on that side of the street. a giant intersection lies ahead, with no cars in it, either. but to the left, near the traffic light on the opposite side of the road from where we are, there is a guy whose skin is half burnt and melted off… he seems half… skinned, almost. it’s gross and he is very pink in the skin. up ahead, across the intersection, is an ambulance and some more dead people. huge accident, although no destroyed cars are in sight — only destroyed people.