everything i see is different from what is in reality. my perception is all fucked. kristin cerniglia has the same problem or had the same problem; she has found a way to overcome it. she seems reluctant to share the details with me or something. i am standing outside in a yard freaking out because my perception is screwed up there (i forget how exactly) and i call her up. her voicemail is a shared voicemail between her and her boyfriend, and the message goes on for seemingly forever. and it was just a bunch of rambling, and even stranger was the fact that the voice was “hers” but didn’t sound like hers at all. at the end of the voicemail thing, there wasn’t even a way for me to be able to leave a message.
later on, i’m in a building and some old guys try and help me out because they believe me. i explain to them my situation and they devise these weird experiments. i think there are like four of them, and two of them leave the room to grab nails, i think, and the other two left screw some weird screws into a chair that already has holes for the screws. like……….. imagine the seat of the chair has slots that make it look like side 5 of a 6-sided dice… that’s where they put the screws in. they’re trying to see if maybe my perception will screw up the distance from one screw to another… strange stuff. the other two guys don’t come back or maybe they do. i don’t remember what my perception of the chair was like, but one of the guys to my right — the most talkative one — says for me to picture the chair in my head and slowly remove each screw from the chair one by one, and that that would somehow help cleanse me of my perception problem. i try doing it and it feels weird in my head as i remove each screw… but because it feels weird, i assume that perhaps it is doing something…?
something about joining an artist collective group. i think by this point i consciously knew that my ‘perception was skewed’ and was trying to make it skewed as much as possible. was looking at a lot of art and it all looked a little off. don’t know details.
i’m driving around some place that is equal parts seattle and my home town of eureka, CA. Riding around in my car, but sometimes on a little electric moped that i referred to as a “scooter”. looking for some place to eat and so i pull over to park. a car parks behind me and out steps my ex with a random guy. she recognizes me and my car, and for whatever reason this freaks me out so i drive a few blocks away but have to stop in a parking lot because the scooter won’t really start. it’s moving, but the engine isn’t running. i try to get it started but no luck. then i see my ex and the guy again, waiting for the bus across the street. i panic and try to speed away out into the street but the damn thing doesn’t want to go. i’m at a stoplight, then i pull over. in the car again i hear vivian’s voice like a voicemail, but i have no cellphone. she is telling me about a dream she just had riding a scooter around town. then it’s my friend lauren leaving the msg, and she’s trying to see if i want to have that drink in honor of my birthday that she promised closer to my birthday, a month ago. i’m looking at the internet and some website for a group of which I’m a part. i recognize a couple of names like jacob and moxie. the website is this crazy hot pink with lots of flowers everywhere.
i wake up. i write this down. then i go back to sleep.
i’m in the car and i pick up wes. we’re rolling through the city, talkin’ about random stuff and i ask him how he’s really doing. he says, ‘here’s one thing that happened–” and we’re parked and some random girl gets in the car. she looks like sarah, the girl who played the vampire teen in the documentary i really acted in. she doesn’t say anything so i take off. i turn to her and say, ‘where are we going?’ she says, ‘i’m not that young.’ i say, ‘ oh, no, it’s not like that. you got in the car and so i figured i knew who you were but had forgotten. these kind of things usually have a way of making sense.’ i’m looking at this website, maybe dreams. it’s totally revamped (again). all of these people i know like moxie are now posting dreams, along with many people i don’t know. vivian has done something amazing with the design where there are thse semi-transparent shadow figures in the background of each page. they look hand-made. and due to some brilliant technology of the future i can grab them, pull them out of the internet and into the room and they cast these wicked shadows all over the walls. i am really impressed with what vivian has done and i’m about to call her to tell her.
i wake up and send in these dreams!